Haters Wanna Be Me Remix

Okay, so this music video by the rapper Krispy Kreme is ridiculously awesome. I can't tell if this kid is serious or if he's parodying "thug life." Either way, he's a lyrical genius. He makes me wanna write more poetry.

Below is a "poetry remix" I wrote using the lyrics to his song. I did not add any words of my own (except for the title), and only used words found in Kreme's song.


Bravado or Watch Your Back, Chuck Norris

I killed
a great white shark
with my fist

I killed
an anaconda snake
500 times

I knocked out
1 million
teeth

I swallowed
a fireball
I ripped out his heart


from Krispy Kreme's “Haters Wanna Be Me” remixed by Greg Santos 

Word life!

G

Poem in 100:WORDS

Irish visual artist Rowena Keaveny has posted a piece I wrote inspired by Rebecca Black's ubiquitous song "Friday" for her 100: Words project.

Please check out my words HERE.

100: Words examines and celebrates loss, love, life, and the passing of time. People are asked to describe the life they have experienced using 100 words or less.

Rowena has received submissions from all around the world, including USA, Canada, Finland, Italy, France, the UK, and Australia. She hopes that the submissions will lead to a publication and a short film to accompany the project.

Please e-mail your descriptions using 100 words or less to:

paintpolitik@live.ie

Thank you, Rowena.

G

Kanye West Tweets Make Great New Yorker Captions

Have you read Kanye West's tweets? If you haven't, they're hella awesome! I don't know about him being the voice of a generation, but you never know what kind of entertaining and outrageous thing the man's gonna say.

His tweets also make great captions for New Yorker cartoons.

Please check them out here.

Holla!

G

Portrait of Rachel Ray Made Out of Cheetos

Jason Baalman is my new hero.

Find out more about the artist who creates celebrity art out of food here.

Hungrily yours,

G

Mad Men

The new season of Mad Men is officially underway. Check out Ken Tucker's take on last night's season premiere here from Entertainment Weekly.

I Mad Men-ed myself in the picture above. You can do it, too, here.

Groovay,

G

Oscar Weekend

In honor of this weekend's Academy Awards, I thought I'd post my fave flicks of the year. Some of my choices made the cut for Sunday's Oscars, some didn't. What movies would you have nominated if you could?

1) Gran Torino
Eastwood starred, directed, and even sang the end credit tunes to this unexpected gem of a movie. My fave, hands down and also possibly the biggest Oscar snub this year. I didn't expect much from this film (I wasn't really a fan of Eastwood's Mystic River or his Oscar winning Million Dollar Baby) but Gran Torino was like watching a "what-would-have-happened-to-Dirty Harry" scenario and nobody could have pulled off the perfect grizzled, politically incorrect, growling main character but Clint Eastwood. It is funny, violent, touching, action-filled, well-acted, and has an outstanding script. This movie was pretty much ignored by both the Golden Globes and the Academy - nothing from the Academy and only one nod for "Best Song" for the Globes. Better than The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and most of the other nominations by far. Oh well, at least Eastwood can laugh all the way to the bank because as of February 15th, Gran Torino has raked in $128.9 million at the box office in Canada and the US, making it, I believe, the highest-grossing movie of his career.

2) Wall-E
Basically, a post-apocalyptic, science-fiction story where the main characters barely talk throughout the whole movie. Doesn't read like a recipe for success but if there was any animated movie worthy of being nominated for best motion picture of the year, it would be this one. While it is great that Wall-E has an Oscar nomination for best animated film it deserves better competition than Bolt and Kung Fu Panda. Don't get me wrong, they're cute animated kids flicks but Wall-E transcends the whole animated feature film classification. Personally, I think it should win raddest movie. Ever.

3) The Wrestler
Ok, for those of you who know me, you know I've loved professional wrestling since I've been a little kid. It's one of my guilty pleasures. I watched Hulk Hogan and "Macho Man" Randy Savage on TV with my grandparents, went to see WWF (yes back before it was WWE) live at the Montreal Forum, bought all the video games for my various game consoles, and still (when I can) tune into RAW on Monday nights. That being said, after all the bad press pro-wrestling's been getting lately (steroid abuse, the Benoit murder/suicide, etc.), never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that Hollywood could produce a sympathetic, fictional portrait of a wrestler. At best there's been some interesting documentaries about pro-wrestlers (Beyond the Mat and Hitman Hart: Wrestling With Shadows) but then you get crap like Ready to Rumble. The Wrestler is all Mickey Rourke. He inhabits the role of Randy "The Ram" Robinson perfectly and certainly deserves all the accolades he's been getting for bringing prestige to a normally maligned profession. Brad Pitt was flat (the special effects did all the acting in Benjamin Button), Richard Jenkins was good but not Oscar worthy in The Visitor, and knowing Sean Penn, I'm sure he hams it up like he always does, so I certainly hope Mickey Rourke wins best actor this time around.

4) Tropic Thunder
This movie was ridiculously stupid. But sometimes I'm in the mood to watch something ridiculously stupid and Tropic Thunder hit the spot. It's a weird blend of action and comedy, starring funny heavyweights like Ben Stiller and Jack Black but the scene stealer of this picture has got to be Robert Downey Jr. (in blackface!) in one of the most inappropriate yet hilarious characters I've seen in a long time. Downey's comeback was cemented in this year's surprise hit Iron Man but you get to see how good he really is in Tropic Thunder. I must not have been the only one who thought so because he's up for an Oscar for best supporting role. I don't think Robert Downey Jr.'s going to win, the best supporting role should go to the late Heath Ledger's turn as the Joker in The Dark Night but kudos to Downey Jr. for making an otherwise ok movie a blast to watch. Oh, I almost forgot the other scene-stealer to watch out for here: Danny McBride! Which brings me to...

5) Pineapple Express
I've been a fan of Seth Rogen and James Franco ever since they starred together in the Judd Apatow produced TV series Freaks & Geeks back when they were both young unknowns. Now Apatow has emerged as the go-to-guy for a very particular brand of humor, with hits like Anchorman, 40-Year-Old Virgin, Talladega Nights, Knocked Up, Superbad, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Many of these flicks star a lot of the same actors and often Freaks & Geeks alums but in Pineapple Express, we finally get to see James Franco back in the mix and showing off his comedic chops. Now how to describe this movie... A stoner buddy flick? Yeah, I think that works. Similar in humor to Tropic Thunder (action/comedy romp) but I think this is a better movie than Tropic Thunder overall. The whole cast is great in this one and Franco (usually a leading man or a more "serious" actor in the Spider-Man franchise and recently in the Oscar-nominated, Milk) gets to go against type and play, what could be a first, the drug-dealer with a heart of gold. Now as for scene-stealers in this one, I have to hand it to Danny McBride for making both Tropic Thunder and Pineapple Express just that much more hilarious. Thug life!

And with that I bring you my honorable mentions. The movies that I enjoyed this year but won't really write too much about. Pretty much because my hands are starting to cramp up but you should still check them out if you haven't already. They are:

-Young @ Heart. Here's a clip from the movie that puts a lump in my throat everytime: the seniors perform "Forever Young" by Bob Dylan just after having lost a friend and are singing to a group of prisoners. Beautiful.

-Slumdog Millionaire. Cinematic fireworks! Made me remember why we go to the movies.

-The Dark Knight. A little too dark for my tastes but worth it to see Heath Ledger's riveting last peformance.

-Australia. I think this movie got panned by critics and most audiences but I liked it. An epic, romantic adventure that hearkened back to the golden days of cinema. And a happy ending to boot! Doesn't happen much in the age of irony.

And I'm spent,
G

Status Updates of Famous Writers

Experimental poets Darren Wershler-Henry and Bill Kennedy (creators of the Apostrophe Engine) have created Status Update, which crawls Facebook, grabbing people's status lines and attributes them to famous writers. It makes for some pretty surreal moments.

From Status Update:

21 hours ago

Dylan Thomas is wondering who poisoned his food.

20 hours ago

Herman Hesse is going to spend the next three hours writing, dammit.

17 hours ago

Walt Whitman still has no net!!!!

For more check out Status Update.

Elizabeth Alexander on The Colbert Report

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Elizabeth Alexander

Colbert at Christmas
Colbert Christmas DVD

Green Screen
Bill O'Reilly Interview

Elizabeth Alexander discusses her inaugural poem "Praise Song for the Day," and explains the difference between a metaphor and a lie. Funny stuff from Colbert as always. Glad to see him bringing poetry to the masses by including folks like Alexander and Robert Pinsky on his show.

Two Poems for Election Day '08

Barack Obama

Obama Bama

Bo Bama

Bomama Fama

Fo Fama

Fee Fi

Fo Fama,

Obama!

by Greg Santos, August 13th, 2008


Many years later, as he faced the press junket, McCain was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover bubblegum ice-cream

John McCain was born on the same day as Michael Jackson.

As a boy, McCain frolicked amid the fragrant hollyhock.

At a Sunday School picnic, McCain was chagrined over the charring of his marshmallow.

On his 13th birthday, McCain was knocked unconscious by a rogue pinata.

Before long, McCain supped upon bowl after bowl of Lucky Charms. Alone.

Sometimes, when no one was looking, McCain cheated at Mad Libs.

Whilst sipping on a mimosa, McCain experienced a frisson before his mother's china hutch.

The next day, McCain leapt across a manhole with marked coolness.

Over time, McCain discovered his hidden talent for shadow puppetry.

At age twenty-eight, McCain eyed his mailbox with unbridled malice.

One evening, McCain awoke in a panic, unsure whether to use Head & Shoulders or Pert Plus.

On Wednesday, McCain was full of woe.

Behind the curtain, McCain gnawed introspectively upon a baby-back rib.

Two days ago, McCain strode confidently towards his expired medication.

At day break, McCain was especially amused at the sight of the Weather Network.

At 11:47 am, McCain recovered his self-possession via Overeaters Anonymous.

At high noon, McCain consumed his penultimate shawarma.

On this fateful day, McCain stood athwart the cheese aisle.

by Greg Santos, August 5th, 2008

The Simpsons Spoof Mad Men

The Simpsons and Mad Men, my two favorite shows are together at last. This exclusive video from this year's annual Treehouse of Horror Special shows Homer and the Simpson clan parodying Mad Men's snazzy intro. Sweet.

The Poetry of Sarah Palin

We've seen The Collected Poetry of Donald Rumsfeld in Slate Magazine. Now the folks at Slate have posted The Poetry of Sarah Palin. Oh, goody! The "poems" were compiled verbatim from only three brief Palin interviews.

From Slate:

"On Reporters"

It's funny that
A comment like that
Was kinda made to,
I don't know,
You know ...

Reporters.

(To K. Couric, CBS News, Sept. 25, 2008)

Read more of Palin's poems here.

Robert Burns & Michael Jackson: Together At Last

Let me get this straight. Michael Jackson, of all people, has collaborated on a recording that sets Robert Burns poems to music. What's next? Jessica Simpson does Byron? How about Amy Winehouse slurs along to Dylan Thomas? Or Brit-Brit does a John Berryman dance remix? That would be sweet.

From The Guardian:

Robert Burns's poetry might have been dismissed as "sentimental doggerel" by Jeremy Paxman but that hasn't stopped diminutive I'm A Celebrity contestant David Gest and pop legend Michael Jackson from recording an album of the much-loved Scottish poet's work.

More here.

Frank O'Hara on Mad Men

Nice to see the late great poet Frank O'Hara getting some exposure on a popular show like Mad Men. In the season two premiere, ad man Don Draper can be seen reading from O'Hara's Meditations in an Emergency and we're also treated to a voice-over of Draper reading an excerpt from O'Hara's poem "Mayakovsky". Sales for O'Hara's book have already skyrocketed after the Mad Men episode. Does this mean TV shows and movies are going to scramble to include more modern and contemporary verse for the masses? Sigh. Probably not but it's nice to imagine.

From The National Post:

AMC's buzzed-about drama Mad Men launched its second season last night. Aside from the attention to detail, clever writing and sharp acting, one of the things that stands out about the series – and makes it sing – is its subtle nods to literature.

[Meditations in an Emergency] is introduced in the episode as Draper sits beside a "boheme" in a New York City bar (and it's noted in the scene that O'Hara wrote half the book in the bar). Both men are alone, and when Draper asks if the tome is any good, the other man looks over his sharply tailored suit and remarks: "I don't think you'd like it".

But Draper goes on to buy and read the book. The episode closes as Draper mails the book to a mysterious someone with an attached note. Over the montage runs Draper's voiceover reading a passage of O'Hara's poem "Mayakovsky":

Now I am quietly waiting for
the catastrophe of my personality
to seem beautiful again,
and interesting, and modern.

The country is grey and
brown and white in trees,
snows and skies of laughter
always diminishing, less funny
not just darker, not just grey.

It may be the coldest day of
the year, what does he think of
that? I mean, what do I? And if I do,
perhaps I am myself again.

More here.

Paul McCartney Receives Honorary Degree at Yale... Oh, and some guy named John Ashbery

Recently Yale was in a state of excitement: this past Sunday, former British Prime Minister Tony Blair delivered the Class Day address to the graduating Yale seniors and on Monday, Sir Paul McCartney was one of eight people to receive honorary degrees from the university. Oh yeah, and John Ashbery - in my opinion one of the greatest living poets in the world - received one, too.

From the Hartford Courant:

The band played "Hey Jude" as ex-Beatle Paul McCartney stepped on stage Monday to accept an honorary Doctor of Music degree from Yale University. In a short tribute, Yale President Richard Levin evoked some of the songwriter's most memorable lines.

"There is no one compares with you," Levin told McCartney, riffing on the Beatles classic, "In My Life." "Your songs awakened a generation, giving a fresh sound to rock, roll, rhythm and blues."

"Here, there, and everywhere," Levin continued, citing another McCartney hit. "You have pushed the boundaries of the familiar to create new classics. We admire your musical genius and your generous support of worthy causes."

Architect Cesar Pelli, poet John Ashbery and Harvard's first female president, Drew Gilpin Faust, also received honorary degrees at Yale University's 307th commencement. Facing a courtyard packed with thousands of students and their parents, Levin told the graduates to aspire to creativity, curiosity, integrity and a passion for social justice.

More here.

Salvador Dali on "What's My Line"

This clip is from the famous 1950s game show, and it's quite surreal. And I mean that literally: the special guest is Salvador Dali!

The impact of the hockey playoffs on English

In honor of the Montreal Canadiens advancing to the next round of the Stanley Cup playoffs I thought I'd post something hockey related.

Since I don't get RDS over here, I watched last night's game from a Boston-affiliated channel and during the broadcast I sometimes couldn't help snickering at some of their verbal gaffes.

Most notably when one of the commentators reacted to the loud chants coming from the crowd and said that Montreal has "prolific" fans.

Did he mean that Montreal fans are abundant or that we're highly productive? You know, like prolific writers. I'm pretty sure he meant we were a boisterous bunch but nonetheless it didn't make much sense.

Anyway, Mark Abley examines the slow disintegration of the English language that takes place during the Stanley Cup playoffs.

I wouldn't take this piece too seriously but it's still pretty amusing.

From The Gazette:

For those of us who love language as well as hockey, the Stanley Cup playoffs bring a tricky question: Can we overlook the rampant abuse of words that goes on every spring?

I'm not talking about how foreign-born players mangle English (or, occasionally, French). Alex Kovalev's English is far better than my Russian. I'm talking about broadcasters who are paid serious amounts of money, not just for their knowledge of the sport, but for their ability to talk.

It's notable how many of the stock phrases you hear during hockey games involve a compound made up of two nouns shoved together: "We need a rule change." "It's a judgment call." "Their game plan is to improve the work ethic."

One of McGuire's favourite phrases is "big time," which he deploys as both an adverb and an adjective. He's quoted on the TSN website as declaring: "Alexei Cherepanov is a big-time home run for the Rangers." A more ungainly mixed metaphor could hardly be imagined.

I don't mean to suggest that hockey analysts (there's another odd compound) should sound like poets, or even like newscasters. I'm willing to forgive them much, for they work under pressure and have to make up eloquent sentences on the fly. That's the reason why their sentences often speak volumes about how language has been evolving lately.

More here.

Dingers in The Globe & Mail

Dingers: Contemporary Baseball Writing recently got a shout out from Martin Levin in the April 12th Globe and Mail:

Last, and a favourite, is Dingers: Contemporary Baseball Writing, edited by Montreal poet and ball fan David McGimpsey (DC Books, 150 pages, $18.95). This anthology, which explores the relationship between writer and game in poetry and prose, features writers both well known - George Bowering, Dave Bidini, Steven Hayward - and those well worth discovery - Mary Milgram, Greg Santos, Anastasia Jones.

More here.

Copies of Dingers can be purchased through the DC Books website,through Amazon, and Amazon.ca.

Get 'em while they're hot!

More on the Mixed Race Dialogue

The notions of an "authentic" race, identity, and ethnicity are becoming a lot more slippery these days now that a lot of these "either/or" categories are blurring into each other more and more. I, for one, think this is a good thing.

From The New York Times:

Americans of mixed race say that questions about whether Mr. Obama, with a white mother from Kansas and a black father from Kenya, is “too black” or “not black enough,” as the candidate himself brought up in his speech on March 18, show the extent to which the nation is still fixated on old categories.

“There’s this notion that there’s an authentic race and you must fit it,” said Ms. Bratter, an assistant professor of sociology at Rice University in Houston who researches interracial families. “We’re confronted with the lack of fit.”

In interviews, people of mixed race said their decision about how to identify themselves was deeply personal, not political; it is influenced by how and where they were reared, how others perceive them, what they look like and how they themselves come to embrace their identity.

More here.

Identity Check

Since, I too, have a complex, multi-ethnic identity and background, I can definitely relate to this article.

Depending on whether I have a tan, on my hair length, if I have facial hair, and so on, I've looked Mexican, Indian, Spanish, Filipino, Asian (too many variations to name here), etc.

It seems like Barack Obama's recent speech on race is forcing a lot of people in America to give themselves a long overdue identity check.

From The Boston Globe:

ONE NIGHT SOME years ago, I tried to explain to my husband why it was that our future kids would be black kids. No matter how light or dark their skin turned out, no matter how coarse or cooperative their hair, chances were they would be black in the eyes of this racialized world, and I needed him to be prepared for that. So that they could be prepared for it.

He looked at me like I was crazy. Then he shot back, "They're going to be half-white too, you know." And as occasionally happens in our mixed-race marriage, I saw the canyon of America's race divide open up between us, right there on the sofa. "There is no such thing as half-white," I said, and I suddenly felt exhausted.

Now, however, it is becoming increasingly clear that color labels are fast losing their usefulness. Our kids have Haitian, French, German, and Irish blood running through their veins. In any given season, our 3-year-old can look Mayan or Polynesian or Native-American or Alaskan. Or he could look like a white kid with Mediterranean parents who tans well. If the early years are any indication, our kids are going to grow up eating Haitian plantain and meat pies and singing the French songs that have been passed down in my family, and building the punishing work ethic and thick skin that are legendary in my husband's family.

More here.

The New Media Revolution

Web-based magazines and online books that can be viewed for free thanks to the internet are rising in popularity and readership, whereas traditional print based magazines, journals, and books are suffering from declining readerships and subscription rates.

For instance, a few years ago Slate magazine started charging $19.95 for an annual subscription fee but when that scheme didn't work, less than a year later, Slate dropped the charge and instead offered free content, citing both sluggish subscription sales and increased advertising revenue. It has been available to read free of charge ever since.

This cautionary tale, among others, over the past few years has been causing many within the publishing industry to scratch their heads. What to do with the internet?

Top that with the bewildering popularity of e-book readers like Amazon's Kindle and the Sony Reader, lately there has been a flurry of opinions as to which way the wind is blowing. But methinks it's hard to ignore the waves of pro-internet sentiment that's been wafting about the land. It seems there's a "new media revolution" in the publishing industry afoot and there's no turning back now.

In the San Francisco Chronicle, we learn about the popular online mag, Narrative Magazine, that is defying publishing conventions:

Narrative may be atypical in terms of circulation for new literary magazines - most "small magazines," on- or offline, have a regular following of about 5,000 people - but its business model, if you can call it that, is decidedly nonprofit. Almost all of its 65 staff members, including Edgarian and Jenks, toil unpaid. There is no advertising on their site, nor do the editors give much thought to marketing or promotion. Narrative has no central office - except Edgarian and Jenk's storybook yellow Victorian home - though most staffers have never been there.

“This is a revolutionary period,” says Jenks, 57, who has held fiction editor positions at Esquire, GQ and Scribner’s. “And as with all revolutionary periods, it’s one of enormous opportunity - I don’t think there’s ever been a greater period of opportunity for writers, for literary work.”

“I think the transition for writers (from print to digital) is painful because it’s new,” adds Edgarian, 46, the author of the critically acclaimed novel “Rise of the Euphrates.” “But the opportunities are enormous.”

"One of the things that's been happening," says Jenks, "is that we're getting contact from other magazines who are having declining subscription rates, declining readerships and want a larger presence on the Web. Editors have been contacting us, saying: How are you doing what you're doing?"

Read "2 editors' online journal gives new life to literature" from The San Francisco Chronicle here.

The publisher and chief Executive of Faber and Faber, Stephen Page, still hasn't been fully convinced about life in the digital age, however, cracks are beginning to appear in his facade. In The Guardian he writes:

Technology, often feared by the bookish world, is a growing friend. As the mass market has risen so has the reality of a technologically connected society. This doesn't just mean Facebook. Global communities are gathering around common interests online, just as intellectuals gathered in cafes in 1900s Vienna. They are gloriously beyond corporate control and naturally antipathetic to the reductive mass market. We are only at the beginning of this social revolution. I am not an advocate of the life led online, but as broadband reaches all generations, genders and income brackets, so this will develop usefully. It won't be all of life but it must be a place where niche interests can develop, robbing the mass market of a portion of its control. Literature can thrive in these places.

Read "The free-thinking reader is not dead, but found online" by Stephen Page here.

Todd Swift, a fellow Canadian expat and poet has some more to say about Stephen Page's "digital conversion" on the blogzine, Eyewear. Swift writes:

Stephen Page, publisher and chief Executive of Faber and Faber, has begun to see the digital light - or at least, some of its glow. While his brief article in The Guardian is hardly evangelical, it does seem to represent a conversion, for mainstream British publishing, away from a model that ignores social networking on the Internet, to one which seeks to grab hold of that platform, and haul bricks and mortar publishing, paper and all, into the 21st century. Eyewear has been arguing, in these unpapered but lettered pages, for just such a decision, for some time now, and welcomes Page's moves, to an extent.

Read "Faber Rebooted" by Todd Swift here.

Whatever your position is on the matter, it's certainly an exciting time to be writing and publishing!